A rant

So i was having dinner with the three blonds and all the talk was around the upcoming wedding and the stag/hen do's and i felt really out of place with all these girly girls.............i wanted to bash my head in with a fork...............and i couldn't drink as i was driving which made the whole meal that much more painful

the girl getting married is also having a hot & sweaty affair with this guy we used to work with....well i assume it's hot & sweaty otherwise why do this before your wedding right? what do i know about how women think! So i felt like a hypocrate pretending to be pleased for her and excitied when this is clearly a sham wedding from the get go

Also why is it that everywhere i turn recently there is someone having it off with someone else who is not their supposed partner? it really confirms this whole monogamy thing and makes the idea of ever taking the plunge or ever trusting anyone enough to even want to consider taking this huge step with, all the more unlikely.....................yet ahhh yes there is a yet.................

Yet i do not want to be this jaded hard (and yes sometimes lonely) individual for ever. I do want to believe that i will find someone who is worthy of my trust and love and i of theirs..............god it's enough to send me into a total panic just writing about it

have the gardeners coming tomorrow to take away all the uncontrollable weeds first thing tomorrow..............maybe i can watch them from my window as they sweat and haul the weeds away? at least then i will feel like i have accomplished something too ..............it will be exhausting just watching them